310. Higher Power Couple: Anatomy of a Sacred Engagement w/ Alyson Charles & Luke

Alyson Charles

DISCLAIMER: This podcast is presented for educational and exploratory purposes only. Published content is not intended to be used for diagnosing or treating any illness. Those responsible for this show disclaim responsibility for any possible adverse effects from the use of information presented by Luke or his guests. Please consult with your healthcare provider before using any products referenced. This podcast may contain paid endorsements for products or services.

Alyson and I announce our engagement and share the road that led us here.

Internationally renowned Television Host, Speaker, and Spiritual Teacher, Rock-Star Shaman Alyson Charles went from being a national champion athlete, #1-rated radio host, and national daytime television talk show host, to aligning with her calling as a mystic and shamanic practitioner after a traumatic moment provided her awakening. 

Since then, her ability to share ancient sacred wisdom and divine energy and be a powerful catalyst for change has ignited a global phenomenon, with Oprah Magazine naming her a "Top Meditation," Forbes calling her work “A Full-Fledged Guide Into Your Psyche,” Huffington Post championing her as “A Top Limit-Breaking Female Founder,” Dazed naming her “One of the Top Seven Wellness Accounts on Instagram” and Marie Claire Magazine selecting her as the cover story and her work being featured as "The Next Big Thing." 

DISCLAIMER: This podcast is presented for educational and exploratory purposes only. Published content is not intended to be used for diagnosing or treating any illness. Those responsible for this show disclaim responsibility for any possible adverse effects from the use of information presented by Luke or his guests. Please consult with your healthcare provider before using any products referenced. This podcast may contain paid endorsements for products or services.

Alyson and I have some exciting news to share with you—we’ve recently got engaged! We’ve been on an evolutionary journey to this point for some time, and we’re both excited to shift into this next adventure in our life. We recorded this co-host conversation in the mountains of Aspen, Colorado, sitting next to a river at the foot of the grottos. This is a special couples episode all about conscious relationships.

If you’re someone who seeks to improve the relationship you’re in or find the one that you deserve, this is the episode for you. If we can do it, anyone can.

07:55 — An update: We’re engaged!

  • Spilling the secret on Instagram
  • Making the engagement ceremony special
  • The emotions Luke felt at that moment
  • Being your full self with each other

23:18 — Doing the work

  • Mutual, radical acceptance
  • Gravitating towards different environments
  • Not being too reactive to the moment and being present
  • Things are not perfect but they are almost always positive

33:47 — Returning to your center

  • We all need more self-awareness
  • How to return to center when you feel removed from reality
  • Spending years facing uncomfortability

42:05 — The futility of perfectionism

  • You get closer to perfection the less you try
  • Sharing how we met in Episode 275
  • Feeling survivors guilt for having a good relationship
  • Finding the fine line between having compassion and empathy or allowing someone to take responsibility

53:05 — Noticing your dysfunctional patterns

  • How two people on different paths can come together through a shared purpose
  • Examining your dysfunctional patterns from past relationships
  • How addiction damages families
  • When a relationship feels “right” because it’s familiar… to your previous dysfunction.
  • Having someone on the outside to notice blind spots

01:00:42 — Healthy boundaries

  • Knowing how to hold healthy boundaries is the key to any healthy relationship
  • Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is remove yourself from a situation
  • Don’t cosign people’s bullshit
  • When boundaries are crossed as a kid, they don’t learn how to apply boundaries
  • Figuring out who you need to be in order to be in a relationship

01:13:00 — Learning different lessons

  • Doing the work yourself or while in relationships
  • Feeling what comes up through Source or through experience
  • Uncovering lessons through the use of plant medicine
  • Finding your personal value and what you have to bring to the relationship
  • Knowing who you are, your strengths and weaknesses

01:29:12 — Our need to be respected

  • We need to be respected by others, but it can’t happen until we respect ourselves
  • Knowing what it takes to put in the work
  • Not allowing others to disrespect you
  • Learning to value yourself and have the capacity to value others
  • Falling in love with yourself

01:39:59 — Higher Power Couples

More about this episode.

Watch it on YouTube.

[00:00:00]Luke Storey:  I'm Luke Storey. For the past 22 years, I've been relentlessly committed to my deepest passion, designing the ultimate lifestyle based on the most powerful principles of spirituality, health, psychology, and personal development. The Life Stylist podcast is a show dedicated to sharing my discoveries and the experts behind them with you. So, here we are in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado, sweetie, having a cohosted episode of the Life Stylist podcast.

[00:00:38]Alyson Charles:  Thanks for having me.

[00:00:40]Luke Storey:  Oh, boy. My pleasure. So, folks, rather than us doing a solo show today, I was overdue on my deadline out here in Colorado, visiting family. Specifically, by the way, we're in a place called Independence Pass, which is one of my favorite places since I was a little kid, in a specific area called The Grottos. And we found ourselves here together. And I thought rather than doing a solo show, that we could just have a conversation together because we have some really exciting news to share with the listeners of the show. And that exciting news is that we recently got engaged.

[00:01:18]Alyson Charles:  Yay. I love, right, as you're building to that, like the winds, the air medicine, the wind medicine was blowing through, which really represents like transformation and change. And yeah, since we shifted from friends to sacred partners, we've been on a constant evolutionary like fast track to this beautiful point that's the most meaningful for me to express our devotion and our love for each other.

[00:01:56] And in this particular way, through you proposing, and we, of course, saying an excited yes, and just adventure through life with you is so much fun. So, I love that without us planning it, it worked out for us to be on these lands that you have so much history at, and where a lot of your back story, the tumultuous backstory lies here on these grounds. And it's just such a sacred place that, now, you can return to with me and engaged. It's incredible.

[00:02:33]Luke Storey:  Yeah. So, we sit here on top of a giant rock overlooking, I guess it's a river, creek, large creek, small river with our engagement rings on, and it's such a different experience sitting here with you than it was when we were in that friend zone. So, the engagement was recently, at the time of this recording, it would have been a month before. And it's funny because we've been kind of going back and forth, God, we've got to post some pictures and announce it to the point where people on my Instagram, I don't know if they've hit yours, were like, are you guys engaged? Because I guess people look for rings. I've never noticed them personally.

[00:03:10]Alyson Charles:  I knew that that would happen. I mean, it doesn't bother me, but I knew. Yeah, because we'd taken pictures since two and we're both like smiling in the pictures with gold rings on our left hands, on our ring fingers. I knew someone. I knew, yeah, for sure, someone was going to peep that and call it out.

[00:03:30]Luke Storey:  So, here it is. And I mean, I've never been so happy and sure about anything in my whole life. And the story of the engagement was really fun for me because it's the first time I've ever done it. And so, I wanted it to be somewhere really special, so we had a trip planned to Cuixmala in Mexico. I'm sure if you listen to the show, you've heard me talk about it at length.

[00:03:53] And so, we were there for a preliminary run through of the retreat, the healing power of energy that's going to be this coming January 2021, or February and January. And so, we were down there, and I thought, man, what a perfect place to do it. They have this huge stretch of beach there and it couldn't be any more romantic. It's just ridiculous. But I also wanted to incorporate an animal into that ceremony of the engagement. And so, I thought, well, we could go horseback riding, or we could walk by a crocodile, or we could go-

[00:04:28]Alyson Charles:  All the zebras.

[00:04:29]Luke Storey:  We could pet the zebras. We could get chased by antelope and I could throw the ring back at her. 

[00:04:35]Alyson Charles:  Giant eland. 

[00:04:36]Luke Storey:  Is that what they're called, eland?

[00:04:37]Alyson Charles:  Yeah, E-L-A-N-D.

[00:04:39]Luke Storey:  Eland Musk. And so, I thought, sea turtles, they have a really beautiful program there where they rescue sea turtles. So, at that particular stretch of beach in front of Cuixmala, which is in the state of Jalisco, about three hours south of Puerto Vallarta, they go out, and they collect all the eggs, and they have a hatchery. And when the eggs hatch, one of the things you can do there, as I guess kind of an excursion at the resort, is you can go set the baby sea turtles free, and then legend has it, actually, science has it, I suppose, where the surviving females that get impregnated later in life will come back to that same spot on the beach, some 25, 30 years later, and lay their eggs again, and thus continues the cycle. So, it's a really beautiful conservation effort that they have at Cuixmala.

[00:05:27]Alyson Charles:  And the cycle only happens once or twice a year at most, right? 

[00:05:31]Luke Storey:  Yeah, I think so.

[00:05:32]Alyson Charles:  I mean, the window to-

[00:05:35]Luke Storey:  The hatching is a small window.

[00:05:36]Alyson Charles:  Yeah. And we just happened to be there in that five, seven-day window, or whatever.

[00:05:42]Luke Storey:  Yeah. So, being the hopeful romantic that I am, I hatched this whole plan and I wasn't sure if it would fly because there are variables such as the turtles not being there at that time, but as Alyson said, they were. So, my plan was this. We'd go out to do kind of what she thought was going to be a turtle release. And Davis Gerber, who is the staff photographer and videographer there, of course, would be in tow because we'd be wanting to shoot photos and video of that no matter what. So, it would be a good surprise for me because it wouldn't be odd to bring a photographer along with this in that moment.

[00:06:18]Alyson Charles:  Well, especially my work with animals, too, right? 

[00:06:20]Luke Storey:  Yeah. 

[00:06:20]Alyson Charles:  I mean, as a shaman, I'm a power animal medium, and my book, power animals in the card deck, like the animal world is very much a deep and ancient connection for me. So, just for people that don't know me, there's a lot of layers to the significance of this.

[00:06:37]Luke Storey:  And it wouldn't have flagged anything for you if I was like, hey, let's take pictures while we're setting the turtles free. So, anyway, long story short, we get out there and I have Davis hand me one of the baby turtles. And these baby sea turtles that are eventually going to end up, I don't know, four feet wide or something. I mean, I don't know how much they weigh, probably a couple hundred pounds. I mean, they end up massive, as you well know, probably those of you listening. But anyway, when they're babies, they fit in the palm of your hand and they just hatched. So, he hands me-

[00:07:04]Alyson Charles:  Four hours earlier.

[00:07:06]Luke Storey:  Yeah. Yeah.

[00:07:07]Alyson Charles:  Their eyes were still closed.

[00:07:09]Luke Storey:  Yeah, they were glassed over, right? 

[00:07:11]Alyson Charles:  Yeah.

[00:07:12]Luke Storey:  So, I grabbed the turtle in my hand, and then I had a little bucket of the rest of them, and then she kind of went off walking in front of me and I grabbed the ring out of my pocket and I put the ring under the turtle. And then, when we got to the spot close enough to the coastline where the water is going to—the surf is going to come in and kind of wash them back out. As it does, it was normal for me to just drop to my knee and to show her the turtle or present her with the turtle. So, I kind of just got down, and said, check it out, check it out, here, grab this one. And she's like, oh, so cute. And she picks up the turtle and there's the ring.

[00:07:46]Alyson Charles:  Yeah, it was so beautiful. 

[00:07:48]Luke Storey:  Yeah, it really was. It was so, so special and it went off just as I had planned. And we have it on video. There's like drone footage of it. I mean, it's something out of a movie and we'll figure out how to put that out at some point when it's appropriate. But it was a beautiful moment for me. But what was funny, and I don't know how much you remember, because I went into this place personally of no time and space, everything just stopped. Like when you have a near-death experience and it like flashes before your eyes.

[00:08:18]Alyson Charles:  Oh, yeah, what was going through you because you were frozen? I could feel the energy and emotions really surging up in you. And as I said, I wanted to be really present, and so I gave you that space, but I wasn't sure what was being evoked. 

[00:08:35]Luke Storey:  I felt like I just sat there on my knee forever holding that ring. And I really kind of lost my breath. It was the strangest experience. And so, I had to just kind of sit and breathe. And I didn't have planned what I was going to say because I find the best things are set off in spontaneity and inspiration. At the gist of it, of course, hey, I want to marry you, will you marry me? But yeah, I just sat there, and I looked in your eyes, and I think my eyes started tearing up a bit. And I just was like, breathe, Luke, you can do this. You got this. It was a funny dude moment, I think, is what it was. It was just-

[00:09:11]Alyson Charles:  Butif you could put your finger on one or two, the emotions, was that nervousness? Was it exhilaration? Was it pure love? Was it fear? Was it all of it?

[00:09:23]Luke Storey:  I think I honestly was just—I was overtaken with love, and with gratitude, and for the love that I have for you. And also, just that in that moment, I realize that I had finally worked through enough of the stuff that prevented me from having an experience like that, I'm sure we'll get into it, but it wasn't that I was afraid in that moment. It was more of a celebration of like, goddamn, I've arrived, I did it, I pushed through. So much just bad information that I picked up in my life, and so many fears that I had worked through, and all of that.

[00:10:10] And just to have that capacity to be able to hold that much love, not just for you, but just within me. Like I'm sharing with you the other day and the expression of the love we have, it's so much different than I ever thought of. I thought when you're in love with someone, it's like that love is there because of them. You're in love with them. It's them that you're in love with, in a sort of more immature infatuation, romantic-based love. And not that there's anything wrong with that type of love, there are different degrees, of course, but-

[00:10:43]Alyson Charles:  All big medicine teachings. 

[00:10:45]Luke Storey:  Yeah, but it's being in love together in the field of love.

[00:10:51]Alyson Charles:  I like how, in the post, you put capital I capital N, like we are in the field of love together. 

[00:10:58]Luke Storey:  Yeah, sharing that field and unity. So, I think in that moment, I was just overtaken by the experience of that depth of love and it was still hard for me to get the words out.

[00:11:10]Alyson Charles:  Well, you did. It was beautiful, although neither one of us, shortly after, like what did you say? Neither one of us could recall. So, thank God it was on video so we can listen back or watch back, but the thing that was coming up for me is right after you asked me, the overwhelming, instantaneous interaction that I was having was presence, be here, be completely present with this man, with your own being, with the nature that was surrounding us be right here more fully than ever.

[00:11:42] So, I remember saying to you, and I also didn't want to say like, let's be present because I didn't want that to come off as like I need a second to think, so I said, of course, the answer is yes, and let's be here. Like let's really take this in or something to that effect because I really wanted us—it's very easy for us to land as we are right now, looking into each other's eyes and souls, and I wanted us to land fully in the medicine of this really fun, a beautiful moment we were sharing. It's special, whether it's the cliche, corny special or the more sacred special, it's a special moment to get to a place in your life and in your journey with someone. That kind of devotion feels appropriate.

[00:12:28]Luke Storey:  Yeah. And also, that it feels safe. I think that was one of the big things for me in that moment, was just, I just realized, and I had been realizing it for some time as I've gotten to know you, and our level of vulnerability and intimacy has grown into such depth, but I just was basking in the awareness that it was safe, it was safe to love that deeply. 

[00:13:02]Alyson Charles:  And then, it brings me to the question, I mean, we ask each other this like on a regular basis, but just as we got to this particular park outside of Aspen, and we were walking through the trails, and I just love you so deeply, and so we both ask each other all the time, why do I love you so much? Of course, we know. But I think it's fun to hear what the other one has to say. And your answer today was along those lines, you were saying to me, it's because you know I unconditionally love you, so deeply, and purely, and powerfully, you know that you can be your full self at all times, and I'm here, and you're in that safe space.

[00:13:46] And that was the main objective for me in all of my trials and tribulations in nearly five year spans of celibacy and just all the passageways that I was relentlessly going through to be where I'm at now, in a kind of relationship that I'm in with you, perhaps, at the top of the list, for the vast majority of the time, was I need to be in full expression. I need to be my fullest, brightest, most powerful, medicinal, shining, exuberant. but along with all of that, as a shaman, as a medicine woman, my work and my teachings is to not to cut off, it's a tongue twister, not to cut off from any aspect, right? 

[00:14:37] So, I need someone who is so with their own power and has gone so deeply within their own work that you can either hold the safe space for me to traverse wherever in the infinite cosmos, and realms, and dimensions, and earthly planes that I need to go to be who I am and to do the work that I'm here to do, or not only hold that space, but to traverse with me. And it takes a really, really, really certain specific kind of person, and I dare say, especially man to be able to do that. So, I think you're right. For me to have that with you is the most amazing. I even feel like I took a deep breath there like the greatest, deepest liberation I can feel within my own being to know, at any point, whatever I'm feeling or experiencing, I can be in full expression of that, and you can meet me, hold me there, or go with me there. You've never not done that for me, ever.

[00:15:41]Luke Storey:  Yeah. Oh, there's plenty more where that came from.

[00:15:45]Alyson Charles:  Even in my fun, little feisty, spicy moments, I love that you laugh and I get feisty, you're like, oh, feisty.

[00:15:52]Luke Storey:  Yeah. I mean, listen, it's been a lot of work, and we'll get into some of the work, and there's more work to do. I mean, here we are in the most idyllic possible situation today sitting out here in nature. And we've had our microchallenges, which have been, in my experience, much easier than some I've had in the past.

[00:16:14]Alyson Charles:  They're like little, tiny mustard seed. 

[00:16:16]Luke Storey:  Yeah. And so, we'll talk about the road to getting here. I know for each of us, it's been a long, hard one in different ways, but I think the thing that really signifies the integrity of the relationship that we're continuing to build is that mutual radical acceptance, and that there's that level of trust in each other, and also, trust in ourselves that we know who we are. I know who I am. I'm not always as close to that that I want to be. In other words, in my full expression, into my full integrity, I have my faults like all of us do, but I know why I'm here, and I know who I am, and I know what my medicine, I guess you could say, is. And I know what I have to share.

[00:17:08] And I'm very aware of my dharma, and my mission, and there's nothing that's going to hold me back from it. So, to be riding with someone who is also in their own awareness and their own autonomy of their dharma, their mission, their strength, acknowledging the things that they need to work on and humbly being willing to do so, it's a recipe for success. And then, the growth that takes place, well, for me in our relationship, the growth is always out of, how much more deeply can I love without reservation and without conditions? So, today, we're out here and Alyson was feeling a little under the weather and I'm much more of a mountaineer than she. I mean, let's just say. 

[00:18:04]Alyson Charles:  Obviously, as a shaman, I'm a full-on nature medicine woman, but we gravitate a bit more to different atmospheres or environments. I'm more, slap me in the middle of a moist, balmy jungle with monkeys running across my face, and, yeah, he's more of a mountaineer.

[00:18:23]Luke Storey:  Yeah. I'm running up the mountains, jumping in the freezing ass creek. I mean, I'm wild.

[00:18:27]Alyson Charles:  No desire for that for me.

[00:18:27]Luke Storey:  Yeah, I'm wild. And so, anyway, I'm going a little faster than she wants at times and she wasn't really feeling that well earlier. And then, she was a little annoyed because we got a bunch of machas at the store, and she's like, what are we going to do to keep them cold? And my answer is always, I'll fix it, I'll fix it, I'll figure it out, put them in the creek, whatever. And then, we get here and I couldn't really figure it out, so she got a little annoyed. 

[00:18:53]Alyson Charles:  I mean, I wasn't shitty about it, though.

[00:18:55]Luke Storey:  No, not at all.

[00:18:56]Alyson Charles:  I was just like, well, we bought five expensive machas. 

[00:19:00]Luke Storey:  Like five five-dollar rebel machas. So, anyway, when I say she's a little annoyed, I'm speaking quite literally. She is ever so subtly annoyed, but the growth is in those moments. And I did get a little sarcastic with you, I'll admit it. At first, I wasn't. At first, I said, okay, honey, you know what, because I came back kind of defeated, I went on cooling the macha mission and I was unsuccessful at first. And she was like, well, God, I just hate to waste the money. And she was slightly bummed. And I said, you know what? I'm really sorry, honey. I made a mistake. And that was honest. And I was actually just owning it in an effort to just help her feel better and move on. And then, I got a little sarcastic. I was like, no, I know, I'm just for a second like-

[00:19:43]Alyson Charles:  You're like, I ruined everything.

[00:19:44]Luke Storey:  Yeah, I ruined everything. Okay, fine, kind of. But see, in those moments-

[00:19:48]Alyson Charles:  And I kindly said the sarcasm isn't necessary.

[00:19:51]Luke Storey:  Yes.

[00:19:52]Alyson Charles:  But even when we ride those moments-

[00:19:54]Luke Storey:  Yeah, in riding those moments is the growth because there's always that turning point, that decision where one can choose to be right or one can choose peace. And I'm more inclined, more of the time, after years, and years, and years, and years of practicing that, and making the decision, not to be a nice guy, but just because it feels so much better to be at ease, to just admit when I've made a mistake, and take responsibility for it, and just move on. So, the growth is in getting faster at snipering those little triggers within myself. It's just like, oh, little trigger, and this is not only in relationship with you, but relationship with reality at large. You lose your keys, the check didn't come, you stubbed your toe.

[00:20:42]Alyson Charles:  The cashier is rude. 

[00:20:43]Luke Storey:  The cat shit on the carpet, whatever. Well, her cat doesn't shit, he sometimes throws up. Those little things, there's that moment, and we all have that micromoment through self-awareness and through living in the observer perspective that there's that microchoice, 10,000th of a second of which way I can turn. And so, much of the beauty in being in intimate relationship for me is being presented with those little choices, where I can say, oh, right now, I could just make her feel so good, and just hold her, and really hear her, just listen, and just shut my mouth. 

[00:21:18] And if there is something to atone for, however minor it might be, like having a temporary failure of preserving our machas, sounds so ridiculous saying it now, but any couple out there knows like this is the stupid little shit you can potentially build into something more meaningful and like have a really shitty day. So, it's in the full expression of love. It's in the full acceptance of you and whatever waves you're riding through.

[00:21:45] And the medicine for me as a man holding healthy, conscious, masculine space is to not be reactive to whatever waves you're feeling, whether they be valid or whether you're just having a mood moment for whatever reason, your own personal shit, or the stars, or the moons in a certain place or, and I don't mean your moon cycle. I just mean like literally, it's a full moon, you feel a little off, didn't sleep well, whatever, it's like the teaching is how present to you in your full expression can I be. And as a man, the way that I find my way in that is through my breath. And you probably don't even know I'm doing this most of the time. It's not like I sit there and like, I have to take some-

[00:22:35]Alyson Charles:  Do Wim Hof method?

[00:22:36]Luke Storey:  Yeah, do some dramatic breath. It's just, I feel that what I feel often is, the first inclination is to sort of contract, and close, and protect, and just avoid the expression of your emotions, that feminine fire, that ever-changing, beautiful dance of your felt sense of being. And at the very instance that shows up, there is a microfight-or-flight response. And when I sense that, just like how I sense it about anything in my reality, I go into my breath and I just breathe.

[00:23:18] And I just really, in an etheric body, auric field way, create a space like I'm holding my arms open right now, for those watching the video, it's probably terribly backlit, but this was the best view, so pardon the shadowy faces, but it's really like energetically rather than closing in, and pulling my heart into my chest and caving my chest, just like, I don't want to feel whatever she's feeling, it's really just to hold my own space and open up energetically and envelop whatever you're feeling into me without having to take it on and share that feeling in a codependent way, but really just holding that space for you and giving you permission to express whatever you need to express.

[00:24:00]Alyson Charles:  Yeah. Well, I know we ride those waves well, because even the silly macha story, this is like-

[00:24:06]Luke Storey:  And by the way, I did rescue the machas. They are in the 40-degree creek right now being chilled.

[00:24:12]Alyson Charles:  Yeah. We'll give you those points, honey, because I know you love to win.

[00:24:16]Luke Storey:  I do. It boosts my testosterone.

[00:24:20]Alyson Charles:  Yeah. But even for us to ride those silly little moments, they are so few and far between. I mean, let's keep it real. Like I want to be as real about all of this as possible. I'm not trying to present our relationship in some sort of perfectionist category because perfectionism is not an ideal way of living for me, so I want to make that clear. However, I want to also be really honest with people. Like our norm of energetic oscillation and our norm for the planes in which we are operating are 93% plus high all the time. 

[00:25:01] Like you know what I'm saying? Like because we worked hard to get here, we've put in years, and years, and years, and lifetimes of work to be able to function in a relationship this way, so in all capacities and all dimensions, I want to be really honest with that. And my one last small little point to this whole macha story is the work on my end. Because you do a really good job of being nonreactive, it allows me to not put hooks into anything or to latch, right? My work is to not latch onto any certain frustration, or disturbance, or crunchy feeling, or whatever might be coming up inside of me, again, however valid or not valid. 

[00:25:48] It's just to allow it to continue to move and to be brought back to presence and not to drag that little two-second frustrated macha feeling into the next present moment, and into the next five minutes, and have it turn into this thing where I'm just like annoyed all day for some silly reason. My work that I've gotten really good at is feeling, and calmly, and maturely expressing as kindly as I can what I'm feeling, and then keep it moving. And because of your nonreactivity, we are able to be on that dance that way.

[00:26:22]Luke Storey:  Well, that's something that I find to be not only exceedingly rare in my experience, but just astonishing, is your ability to get back into your center when you've been triggered. And I think this is really one of the great keys that all of us can learn to use is to have that self-awareness, to honor what it is that comes up, and then get back to homeostasis as quickly as possible if the thing doesn't need to be further explored and dealt with.

[00:27:04] I'm curious because I'm astonished by your ability to do this, honestly, what goes on inside you when you feel a little rumble of something between us or else just in your life. You have that triggering email or things don't go according to your plan in that moment, what do you actually do inside? Are you praying to God? Are you breathing? What's your mechanism of re-centering and getting back to reality when your mind is taking you out of reality into illusion?

[00:27:38]Alyson Charles:  Yeah, it's interesting. That's a great question. I thankfully become so adept at doing this, that you're describing that, thankfully, for the most part, it's just an autonomic response at this point, but if I try to go into that space and do a reenactment here, let me just see where I go. There is some breath, but like I don't go into some like certain technique. I just connect to my breath. I do connect to the center line of my being. I think it's, honestly, I'm able to regain my center and get back into my full power so quickly and instantaneously because of all of the things I do outside of those triggering moments. 

[00:28:27] Like when I wake up in the morning, before I even get out of bed, I'm already talking to my soul, and connecting to my heart, and asking my heart, how do you feel today? What do you need today to feel nourished and whole? Tuning into my soul to see what colors I'm picking up on, what are the textures, saying my prayers, doing my surrender statements. So, I start my day in that fully held, encapsulated divine essence. So, that's outside of me. That's within me.

[00:28:58] And so, because I've been doing that continuously for years and years, yeah, if I feel a trigger, I just developed such a deep trust in myself to handle anything and everything with a lot of freaking grace, and for the most part, a lot of years. Again, I'm not trying to present myself as perfect, but I've put in on countless hours of devotion to the spiritual path into the work. And in shamanism, we do a ton of shadow work. So, when I say I've put in a ton, I'm talking like years upon years of facing uncomfortability. 

[00:29:44] And my awakening came from a really severe, cataclysmic, traumatic moment. And so, just through riding all of those experiences that we all encounter here on planet Earth, I've developed such a deep trust in my ability to get through it all and I've developed such a deep trust in God, Goddess, source, all that is. I know that it's all ascending me, and it's all uplifting me, and it's all serving my intention for my incarnation, which is infinite exploration of my evolution.

[00:30:26] And I know that any wave that comes in, however deeply triggering or not that it is, I know that it's serving me. So, I let myself feel that charge. I let myself tune in. Where is that charge hitting? Is it in my belly? Is it in my heart? Is it making me want to purge? Is it making me feel rage or anger? Like the other night, I was feeling enraged, so I let myself identify and fully feel it. But then, what happens next after healthily feeling and being present with the information that is trying to communicate to me, I talk to it.

[00:31:04] What are you feeling? What do I need to know? And then, I just go right into that all-encapsulating nature of that deep trust. I hope that that somewhat answers it. I'm trying to be as like tactile as I can, so these tips can perhaps serve anyone listening, but it really is a culmination, honestly, of my daily spiritual and shamanic work that allows me even in really thick, deep trigger moments to get right back into my power. I know that it's my responsibility and I know I have the capacity to hold my divine whole power at all times. 

[00:31:52] And so, I'll notice really quick. Like if you're having a tough day or whatever, and not that you do this very often, but let's say you just say a small little thing that I could easily, in the past, let bother me, I very quickly can identify that you're in a tough spot, that maybe your back's hurting or something. And I say, sometimes, out loud to myself, like I talk really funny to myself a lot, actually, I'll say like, oh, hell, no. Like, no, he owns that, that's not mine to carry. No, I'm in my whole power, I'm feeling great today, I'm going to hold my space, I take responsibility for my power, something like that, you know. Those juicy things. 

[00:32:42]Luke Storey:  Yeah, I love that you're bringing up the futility of perfectionism. It's such an ego game to expect ourselves to be more than human. And I actually find that I get closer to perfection the less I try to arrive there. And it's funny, when we did our last conversation, which, obviously, you figured out by now, this is not really an interview, folks, but just a conversation between two people exploring, relating in a conscious way. 

[00:33:18]Alyson Charles:  Should I say that my name is Alyson Charles, by the way?

[00:33:22]Luke Storey:  I'll say it in the intro, but we did an episode on number 275 where we talked about, really how we initially met, which was when she was on my podcast almost four years ago in New York City on Episode 111. That was the day we met for the first time, and how we began dating, and the journey of that, and how we were eventually brought together through a really mystical, surprising series of peyote ceremonies.

[00:33:48]Alyson Charles:  I just got chills when you brought up the TP time.

[00:33:51]Luke Storey:  Yeah. And so, that was episode 275. But I remember when we were recording 275, which was much like a conversation such as this, and I remember feeling kind of like survivor's guilt in a way for having been through so much pain and relationships, and been on the receiving end, and the giving end of that pain, and just all the things that one goes through when they're not given a model for healthy relating as a kid, et cetera. But I remember feeling like, God, we must sound like a couple of assholes because we're like, our relationship is perfect.

[00:34:24] We're in love. And so, I'm glad you threw that in because it's perfectly imperfect because we're each doing our own work and there is that sense of autonomy. And I think in my relationships, that's something that I've really struggled with, having grown up in a really sort of fractured relationship with my dad, he wasn't emotionally available, he was having his own stuff go on. Same with my mom. And with my mom, we're much closer, and she was much more loving and warm, but there was an enmeshed element to that relationship and some, for sure, clinical codependency in my perception of it. 

[00:35:07] So, there was a lot of codependency in my relationships. And being a former addict and alcoholic, I mean, I was, kind of blanket all alcoholics, although I actually could, so terminally selfish and self-centered that my relationships were a dance of love addiction and love avoidance. And when there was a trauma bond and a match there, not to deduce all of my prior relationships to just that. Of course, there has been love and there have been some amazing moments shared and periods of time shared with relationships in the past. And I honor them all deeply because they were all amazing teachings. But that codependency piece for me has been huge.

[00:36:00] And I think that's a part of what I was speaking to earlier in building my own resilience and my own autonomy, where I can be receptive, compassionate, have deep empathy for you and your emotional experience, but also, stay on my side of the street and take responsibility for my own emotional, and mental state, and my connection with God, whereas in the past, in the deeply codependent dynamics, and I picked this up really as a kid with my mom because we were so close and it was just the nature of that relationship, if she felt something, I felt the same way. In other words, if mom was crying, I would start crying. If Mom was happy, I was happy. If mom was sad, mom was angry, I would mirror that.

[00:36:41]Alyson Charles:  Yeah, it's really heavy.

[00:36:41]Luke Storey:  And I love my mom and we have a good relationship today. But this is just my perspective of what happened in that dynamic. And in the interest of her private life, you know, I don't want to go too deep into it. But just in a broad sense, those were some of the dynamics and there were also beautiful dynamics, of course, as well with both my parents. And now, thankfully, they've both done a lot of work, I've done a lot of work, and we're there, but there is nothing more sickening to me in a relationship to where I can't be on my own side of the street and carry my own emotional state. So, it's often, for me, a learning experience. And this is part of the learning with us is the fine line between my compassion, and empathy, and my heart being connected to the one I love, but also, allowing you to take responsibility for your own space.

[00:37:34]Alyson Charles:  And I always do.

[00:37:35]Luke Storey:  Yeah. And you do. Yeah, but it's still, I have to remain cognizant on my side to not feel the need to join in with whatever you're experience is. Just because you're having a day, I can still be there for you without also having a day.

[00:37:53]Alyson Charles:  And I wouldn't want you to. And these kinds of waters are the things that pull in, enabling, or actually crippling someone's own growth or power because I can relate to the previous codependent relationship that I was in many, many years ago at this point, but it was a long relationship, like 16-plus years. And like this piece that you are unearthing for us to talk about right now carries with it just so many additional unhealthy possible threads, and layers, and lines that go with it. 

[00:38:31] Within codependency, within that one orb is a lot of other spokes on the wheel that are highly dysfunctional. And for the past situation that I was in, it was a lot of the rescuer archetype in me. And I don't need to watch it so much anymore, but that's one that I really had to learn. Like you, it's astounding for me how far you've come with that codependent piece and not taking on someone else's emotion because I'll watch you in that dance. Sometimes, you'll just go outside, and take a breath of air, and then come back in, and you're like, okay, download it all, tell me what's going on, but you just have to set yourself up to hold that container the way that you need to, but it takes tons of practice. 

[00:39:15] And it takes tons of shattering away of old patterns and learning whole new paradigms of ways of operating within yourself and in conjunction with someone else. And what I used to do with the rescuer being one of my main archetypes, this is before I understood that, when you don't examine yourself in whole, and unearth all these archetypes and ways about yourself, then they have a much higher tendency of operating in shadow. 

[00:39:41] So, back in the day, when my rescuer would operate in shadow, before I would even give my previous partner the chance to tap into some previously dormant power within him to pull himself up out of the sticky situation he's in or before I would even give him the chance to try to get away from that addiction issue, before I would even give him the chance to step into his own power, the rescuer was all up in there trying to save, control, fix, solve. And then, in the codependent dance on my end, by me almost solely focusing on him and "all of his issues", that distraction then allowed me to not look at my own stuff for years, and years, and years, and years because I needed to fix and rescue him, right? 

[00:40:40]Luke Storey:  Yeah, so good. It's so good, I hope people are paying attention. I don't mean to cut you off.

[00:40:47]Alyson Charles:  No, that's a good point.

[00:40:47]Luke Storey:  It's so insidious. And honestly, I mean, almost every person I know who grew up in a home with alcoholism, verbal, physical, sexual abuse, kids that were traumatized, abandoned, neglected, if there wasn't a healthy, stable nuclear family there for them, almost everyone suffers from this kind of dynamic, some degree of codependency. And I just think in personal development and in self-help, things go in waves, like things are really big.

[00:41:27] In the '80s, it was all about inner child work. And then, in the world of recovery, in the early '90s through the mid-'90s, there was a lot of work around codependency. And Al-Anon became really big for alcoholics to also go to because they realized, shit, now I'm sober, but I'm still an asshole. And Al-Anon helps you be much less of an asshole by applying those principles to yourself as a sober person. 

[00:41:52]Alyson Charles:  And that selfishness piece. We've been chatting a lot about that.

[00:41:53]Luke Storey:  Yeah, the selfishness, self-centeredness. So, they kind of go in waves. And I feel like right now, there's a moment when codependency is kind of a quiet topic. It's going through a wave of not ignorance, per se, but it's not the hot thing in therapy and stuff. But whatever you want to call it, this enmeshment, this rescuer, the victim archetype, the controlling, dominant person that wants to control everything and everyone around them. And I've ridden all sides of this stuff, too.

[00:42:29]Alyson Charles:  And it's all illusion-filled, right? The veil was pulled down tightly around all of this. So, that's why you get so lost in it. And it's so discombobulating and it's so foggy. And then, that's why it feels so scary. 

[00:42:42]Luke Storey:  It's so confusing when you're in that cycle. It's just horrible.

[00:42:45]Alyson Charles:  Yeah, you don't know up from down often.

[00:42:48]Luke Storey:  Yeah, it makes you feel crazy. And so, there's a bunch of different directions I want to go in here. We definitely probably have like a half-an-hour of warm sun and it's going to get pretty chilly.

[00:43:00]Alyson Charles:  Will you give me that pen, too? I want to write it out.

[00:43:01]Luke Storey:  Yeah. On that note, the way that I'm kind of seeing things now, and I want to see what your take is, because those of you listening hear that there's a lot of alignment in our paths. But Alyson and I have different paths in the past, and also, in the way that we go through the world now in terms of the teachings that we follow specifically and the vernacular that we use to describe certain things is slightly different. And I think what holds it all together is that both of our primary purpose in life is to evolve spiritually.

[00:43:38] And we do that in shared ways and we do that in separate ways. And I think one thing that is common amongst us and is absolutely necessary for anyone, in my experience, that wants to navigate through those painful teachings of relationships, into relationships that are aligned based on shared values, is to really examine where those dysfunctional patterns originated and all the various ways that they've manifested. And when I say that I'm so grateful for all of my past relationships, even the ones that were painful, for whatever reason, is that they all brought to the surface patterns within me in my life, and my behavior, and way of thinking, feeling and acting that enabled me to see those patterns because they were brought to the surface by those relationships.

[00:44:36] And so, looking back, I can see all of the textbook dysfunctional dynamics that are possible in relationship, I think I've played them all out and I've played all roles in the drama, in that play called to injured, hurt people that were traumatized as kids, coming together, trying to have their needs met, and cobble together something of a relationship. I've been in every seat on the cast, And I'm so grateful for that as painful as it was for me and I'm sure the people often that I was involved with.

[00:45:12] But that rescuer archetype was born into me as a kid, feeling responsible for other people. As you so wisely indicated, masking your own shit by obsessing on someone who's seemingly more fucked up than you, which is, that's why they made Al-Anon in the '30s because all the wives of these male alcoholics were so damaged by the alcoholism in their homes, they had to make their own special group because they actually went crazy, too just from being around an alcoholic.

[00:45:45] A good example of this for anyone that wants to see this is watch the show, Intervention. And I used to watch that year sober and I would marvel at the depth of damage that addiction would cause a whole family system. There's only one sick person in the family at first, and then the whole family gets infected with codependency, and neurosis, and control, and shame, and guilt, and manipulation, and dishonesty, and lying. And it just turns into this cesspool.

[00:46:19] So, coming out of a couple different cesspools as a kid and going in to create my own cesspool of a life in addiction, these are things that I did not know and these are things that weren't taught to me even in recovery. It was just, don't drink, don't do drugs, and you're cool, do whatever the fuck you want outside of that. And I know that's not what those programs of recovery really indicate because they are about a change of character, and a change of spirit and soul on a deep level.

[00:46:51] And that change in character is what enables you to be free of addictions. But it is easy to get caught up on the surface trap of like, hey, I'm not drinking, I got a job, I kind of got my shit together again, why do I need to learn about codependency, and love addiction, and sex addiction, and love avoidance, and all of these manifestations of that dysfunction. And so, for me, I mean, it was 20 years of mostly suffering, if I'm going to be really honest, in and out of relationships, and closing my heart, and just putting a wall around myself, and not allowing anyone to really love me, and never allowing myself to be fully seen, fully held, fully needed, wanted. It's such a sad state of affairs, really, looking back. And I don't have regrets because here we are.

[00:47:41] But Jesus Christ, I feel like I could have been spared so much pain had I learned about some of these dynamics earlier on and had some foresight to really seek out growth in these areas because the relationships that were patterned into as adults with unhealed trauma, all they do, and I learned this in plant medicine, not in books, in meditation, plant medicine, and in a lot of broken hearts that I've lived through, every one of those little sick threads, and I don't mean sick in judgmental, I just mean sick and that it's unwell, they can all be traced back to something with mom or dad, right? And there was neglect, abuse, abandonment, et cetera. And so, you meet someone or I would meet someone, and it's like my key just fits perfectly in their lock.

[00:48:33]Alyson Charles:  And initially, you think that that key means-

[00:48:36]Luke Storey:  They're the one. 

[00:48:37]Alyson Charles:  ... finally figured it out, yeah, and it's really the trauma bonding.

[00:48:41]Luke Storey:  They're the one. And I'm going to put this in my book so no one try to steal it, I'm going to copywrite it because I really think it's good and it's original in the sense that it came to me one day, but it's not original because no thoughts are original. They come from the ether. But it's this idea that in the love addiction game, when you meet someone, and you're just like, oh, my God, all you can do is think about them, and you're waiting for that text to come in, and every moment with them is just exhilarating.

[00:49:07]Alyson Charles:  And yeah, you think it's exciting and exhilarating, but it's really-

[00:49:10]Luke Storey:  And it feels so right. And you'll watch a friend go into this, and you're like, dude, maybe you should slow it down a little bit, you just met her, are you really going to get engaged, or move in, or have sex, or whatever? Seems to be moving pretty fast. And that person will say, like I told my friends that looked out for me, man, it just feels right. It's this manic—it feels so right, man. She's the one. And what I've come to learn through a lot of pain is that when you meet that person, it's not necessarily that it feels right because it's right, it feels right because it's familiar. 

[00:49:44] It feels right because it's familiar. Familiar to what? Familiar to the uncle that abused you, familiar to the dad that beat the shit out of you, familiar to the drunk mom. Whatever your story is, there's a million different ways that those first formative, especially the first seven years play out. And now, that I've studied neuroscience and I've interviewed so many brilliant people in that realm, I understand, literally, physically, what happens is neuropathways get built in our minds that make being abused or abusing another feel right.

[00:50:20]Alyson Charles:  And that is why when you are in an abusive cyclical relationship, that is, oftentimes, why it's very challenging to pluck yourself out of it. It's all these things we're talking about, the insidious nature of it, the familiarity of it, which then because of those neuropathways that are carved in your mind, it can be so hard to convince yourself that it's not right. And when you're in the throes of some of these really deepest trenches, oftentimes, you do need someone on the outside who has done this work, who can so clearly see these massive blind spots to really guide in a very specific way.

[00:51:07] If there's obviously like someone who is comfortable to sit in someone else's shadow work, it's a very particular kind of person. Not everyone should need to do that, nor do they want to do that. But, yeah, I want to bring up a few things, though, because as you were talking, that's why I needed that pen to take notes because so much was coming up, and one thing is healthy boundaries. And I don't know where I want to go with this topic. I don't know that we need to go far and wide with it, but I just think it's such an important topic and it goes with everything that we're talking about. 

[00:51:41] And it's something that I'm really proud of myself in terms of how far I have grown and the ability for me to discern where, and when, and how to let someone enter into my most inner circle and not. And I really trust my inner navigational system for what kind of space to hold in between me and anyone else. And that can be undulating, right? There can be someone that I'm friends with and have known for many years, and maybe for some months and some years, they're kind of in that inner circle or just one layer out.

[00:52:24] And then, maybe there's some months where I need to keep them five layers out because I can just pick up on—because typically, for the most part, anyone that I know also does a lot of deep work, and that takes you through a lot of different passageways. And so, if someone's really in the throes of some stuff that's unearthing a lot of like illness, sickness, whether that be mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, there's a lot of factors involved in what I'm trying to explain, but knowing how to have healthy boundaries is really a key to any relationship, whether it's friendship, family, romantic partnership. 

[00:53:06] It's just something that I felt really, on a soul level, deeply guided to at least bring up to, at least, for whoever's listening, wherever you want to go with this piece and examining it for your own self in your own life right now, it's just something, as I've gotten older and more and more experienced, it's been a game changer in terms of the level of health in my own life on all the levels is where are my boundaries at with other people. 

[00:53:41] And also, really learning if someone's going through like a really hard relationship, again, in watching these old neuropathways, and old conditionings, and patternings, you could instantly think, oh, the best way that I can be the best friend right now is to get up in the mix, right? How do they need help? What's the most hands-on way I can support them because they're in the throes of it, right? They're really suffering.

[00:54:11] But there's just a lot you need to observe, because honestly, the most supportive and least enabling thing that you can maybe do for that friend is to maybe actually—of course, after you discuss with them and see where they're at, but the healthiest thing for all involved, including the friend that's going through stuff that you might want to be there for in other ways, if you just check yourself for a second and pause, the most help, the healthiest thing, and the most supportive thing you can maybe do for them is to actually remove yourself a little bit. I don't know what's coming up for you in this, but-

[00:54:47]Luke Storey:  I mean, coming from the world of recovery, allowing someone to go through the lesson they need to go through is the Al-Anon 101. I mean, again, I'm going to go back to that show, Intervention. It was a great show. I mean, it was really disturbing, and just terribly sad, and tragic in most cases, but you could see the extreme playing out of enabling where you have a family with a teenage kid who's on crystal meth, stealing the goddamn TV every weekend and pawning it for dope. And then, the family gives him a credit card, lets him come home and sleep there. And the poor parents are in a really tough place because the counselors are saying, you're enabling, you're going to kill your kid if you keep helping them.

[00:55:36]Alyson Charles:  It's a really challenging dance. 

[00:55:38]Luke Storey:  So, it's easy to talk about, harder in practice, but on the more extreme level, that is, to me, it's a fine line, but the dysfunctional side of it is playing God and intervening in somebody's karma. And oftentimes, allowing someone to play out the karma of the cards they've been dealt here is the biggest gift you can give them and not cosigning their bullshit. So, I'm all for that, but it is a dance that one has to learn to finesse. And I don't think there's a black-and-white answer to every situation.

[00:56:16] And it's one of those things where one can develop discernment and wisdom through taking responsibility for yourself. And then, also, as you've so brilliantly brought up, in learning how to create healthy boundaries. And I'm so glad that you went there with that piece, because going back to the statement I made where you meet someone, and it's just, oh, my God, it's just electric, it feels so right, usually, in my experience, in those situations, you have two people that were abused as kids and their boundaries were sometimes severely invaded.

[00:56:49] And when a child's boundaries are invaded, by whatever means, emotionally, sexually, physically, they don't learn about boundaries. In other words, there's no separation between me and you, because I never learn that, because a family member was touching me inappropriately, or babysitter molesting me, being hit by someone in the family, this type of physical boundaries, emotional boundaries, sexual boundaries, when they're crossed, a kid doesn't learn that there's a me and there's a you.

[00:57:17] It's an us. And that can carry on throughout an entire lifetime. And so, oftentimes, you meet someone, and I'm speaking from experience, and it's just so intoxicating and exhilarating, and you'll find, you might identify this if you experienced it before, on your first date, you tell them your whole life story, about every relationship, all the shit that happened when you were a kid, you're a recovering addict. It's like those things are in a healthy dynamic, eventually come out as you gain trust in one another.

[00:57:50] But two people that are underdeveloped in the category of boundaries will have no boundaries when they meet, and often, become sexual almost immediately. And this leads to that hormonal cascade that literally turns into a drug. And you're on your way into what could be a long-term relationship where the initial bond wasn't built on mutual appreciation, love, respect, autonomy, but was built on trauma bonding and a lack of boundaries that leads you to this intense feeling of attachment and addiction to that person.

[00:58:29] So, the boundaries is what allows one to create healthy attachment, or dysfunctional, addictive attachment. Like I have an attachment to you, I want to be around you all the time. I love your company and I love holding you. I love all the time we spent together. I mean, I feel like we're one, but I'm also me. I have my relationship with God, and that comes before you. And I know your relationship with your God comes before me. So, the boundary is created by my spiritual relationship with God and with my higher self. 

[00:59:05] So, there can be a me. There's a boundary to withhold. And I can be responsible for my own sense of being, and manage my own feelings, and expectations, and opinions, and thoughts, and whatever threads of neuroses are left in my personality, that's on me and my God to sort out, so that when we come together and there's that attachment, it's a secondary attachment because the first attachment is to creation.

[00:59:32]Alyson Charles:  Right. And it's all of divinity. So, like my former self, my pre-awakened self would probably hear this description, and be like, well, that doesn't sound enticing. That doesn't actually sound good. I think my way's better. 

[00:59:47]Luke Storey:  Sounds boring.

[00:59:48]Alyson Charles:  Yeah, sounds boring. But now, yeah, and I think we've touched on this in the last episode after we had gotten together as a couple, episode 275, but I'll just touch on it briefly again, it's just that piece of personal sovereignty, divine sovereignty. And we know that that, at the heart, and core, and foundation of our beautiful, delicious, juicy, sacred union, the core of it is, you are a sovereign, divine being and I am a sovereign, divine being.

[01:00:18] And there were things about me that I wanted to make sure were totally transcended because one of the pieces came up right as we started this chat, was how both of us and a lot of us incarnated this lifetime. And I would put money on probably 80+% of your listeners right now fall into this category of, we incarnated at this time to transcend things for our entire lineage. So, that's a big ass work. So, we are not only facing, and healing, and wholing our own personal patterning that we need to watch out for, we're literally doing it for our entire ancestry and our entire lineage, because a lot of this stuff just rolls on, and rolls on, and rolls on, and rolls on.

[01:01:08] And just imagine, after hundreds of years of some of these dynamics rolling on, it creates just, oh, our family is known for—well, why? Let's freaking stop that. And you're here and have done that work, I am here and have done that work, and a lot of you listening, I would guess this is really resonating, it's to transcend lineage pieces and personal pieces to reach personal divine sovereignty. And I know that that's why our relationship works as well as it does.

[01:01:41] And that's why it's of this completely different essence, and vein, and energy medicine that we have, it's because I really, honestly, and bravely looked at all the gunk within me that I needed to heal and face back to the farthest root of the root, root piece, and I knew I needed to do that and I wanted to do that in order for me to be in the kind of relationship that I knew was the only relationship I could withstand at this point anymore. I couldn't withstand another unhealthy, addiction-riddled, like I wouldn't be able to do. 

[01:02:20] It caused my first traumatic death and rebirth, and was the greatest miraculous moment, but it was too horrendous. So, I was willing. I was like, okay, I've given this my all to heal and transcend all the pieces and become sovereign, whether it's like financial stuff. Like that was really important for me. Living on my own, all those years in New York City, I knew that I needed to figure out within my own self. I wasn't really taught much about finances growing up.

[01:02:51] And when I had my spiritual awakening, I was also instantaneously thrust into entrepreneurship because I honor and live by the calls. And I was being shown, you are shaman, your shamanic medicine is supposed to operate in this way. And I was like, oh, my God, are you kidding me? And then, it was like, I also needed to be my own brand of business. No wonder. I didn't go to entrepreneurship or business school.

[01:03:12] And so, figuring out all that stuff. And one important piece was I need to figure out how to be really financially free and sovereign as a single woman living in what a lot would probably be determined the hardest city to do that in on my own, and I needed to figure that piece out before I got into the kind of relationship, and I did. And there are a lot of other stuff, too. But yeah.

[01:03:39]Luke Storey:  Well, I think one thing that makes our journeys quite different in terms of the lessons that we had to learn in order to get here and experience lessons that are actually pretty fun. 

[01:03:52]Alyson Charles:  Yeah, we laugh a lot.

[01:03:53]Luke Storey:  Like I feel like our learning together is just like laughter medicine and not taking ourselves and each other too seriously. But in getting here, where I'm capable of being the man that I am with you and for you, it was years and years of attempting to find love and to have a relationship, whereas probably during the 15-some odd years, you were largely single, you were doing that work just on your own. 

[01:04:26] And I always find that contrast interesting, because I guess for me, because I did it the way I did it and I'm doing it still, it's hard for me to imagine just becoming sort of a recluse and just really going within for that long and not learning by getting into relationships and bringing to the surface those patterns within myself. It's like you were bringing the patterns of relationship to the surface, but by yourself.

[01:04:54]Alyson Charles:  Well, what just came up for me is this piece that we've talked about so much since we've gotten together in this way as now fiances is, because as a shaman, you know how we talk and laugh a lot about like I don't need the mushrooms to go on a mushroom journey, I go on medicine journeys at will, on call, on demand, at any second, at any place, in any day, and I'm having the experiences with the unseen realms, with the guides, other beings, with all the stuff that the most people, in order for them to see those beings and to have those experiences, at least in the beginning, require some sort of plant medicine.

[01:05:46] And let me be very clear because this is something I teach emphatically, I am not a believer that you have to have plant medicines in order to have the kinds of experiences that I do. And as a shaman this lifetime, that is one of the main things that I teach, is that I was a shaman and had spiritual experiences for many, many, many years before any plant medicine called to me. So, we all have these gifts within us. I just didn't want any of that to be misunderstood, so I needed to clarify it. 

[01:06:20] But back to what we were talking about, all these pieces that, for whatever reason, your human being and soul needed to have come up via another human teacher, I was having them come up through my own, living in my little Brooklyn shamanic cave, initiatory cave, these pieces were revealing on my own just through God or at my altar, what I needed to face and feel relationally was coming up just in my relationship with source. So, I didn't need another human being to evoke for me the way that you did, which is what we talk about a lot.

[01:07:00]Luke Storey:  Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, I am mystified by that, and in a very, very, minute way, envious because, man, to try and pull it together with very little skills is painful for everyone. So, I've had to work through a lot of guilt looking back. And just God, I really did my best, but it wasn't very good in many cases. And I've gone back and made amends to every single woman I have ever dated or been intimate with that I could locate. And I've gone to great lengths to locate some of them. And I'm not saying that that completely absolves me of any wrongdoing, but I was just very unconscious. And so, not only did I just put myself through a lot of pain and all of that, but there were other people involved. And that was quite a long time of just a year here, two years here, five years here.

[01:07:58]Alyson Charles:  Well, the other thing we joke about is I was in that 16-and-a-half-year relationship relentlessly in the battles while you spent that time dating a lot of other people, do you know what I'm saying? 

[01:08:09]Luke Storey:  Yeah. 

[01:08:10]Alyson Charles:  So, I did the bulk of my work with one person for a super long duration.

[01:08:14]Luke Storey:  Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah, that is an important point. And to your point, I always give the disclaimer around plant medicines and psychedelics that they're—you know what's funny? When I give this disclaimer, actually, in a way, I'm not even telling the truth. I'm going to be honest right now. There is a part of me that thinks every single person on the goddamn planet should do plant medicines. 

[01:08:39] But that, I'm going to reel that in because I think that would be reckless and irresponsible because I don't know what everyone's circumstances are. And I think why I feel so enthusiastic about that, and have to go ahead and give my disclaimer, is just because when that started for me a couple of years ago, I mean, it was like a dynamite breaking through one of these solid rock mountains. It was just years of being stuck on repeating the same pattern, like get out of a relationship. 

[01:09:08]Alyson Charles:  And why is this showing up again?

[01:09:09]Luke Storey:  Yeah, like I'm never doing that again. Meet someone who's exactly like the last one, dive right back in or some inverse combination of those dysfunctional patterns that we talked about earlier from childhood and beyond. And it was like, when I did medicine, it was just like, oh, my God. I remember the first time doing ayahuasca. I mean, just seeing the depth and gravity of the sexual abuse that I endured as a kid. I mean, I've been looking at that stuff since I was 14. I mean, that's what I went into therapy for, right? I'm about to turn 50.

[01:09:43] I mean, I've done writing therapy, primal scream therapy, breathwork, meditation, kundalini yoga. I mean, I've done everything to heal from that violation. And just, as one example, seen how devastating those experiences that I had when I was a kid were to the core of my being and how they shaped my entire life. That alone, in one night, just unraveled all of these threads about how that played into my behavior as a man with sexuality, and my lack of consciousness around that, and disconnection from my body, disconnection from higher-

[01:10:25]Alyson Charles:  The sacredness of the woman's body.

[01:10:26]Luke Storey:  Yeah, just disregarding my body, disregarding a woman's body, and all of the patterns of relationship based around losing my self-identity. I was too young to have formed a true healthy egoic, and I mean this in the most positive sense, but you need an ego to function in the world. Mine wasn't ready yet. It's like I wasn't hatched when I had those experiences. So, I got disconnected from my body, disconnected from my heart, my sense of self. 

[01:10:57]Alyson Charles:  Survival mode.

[01:10:58]Luke Storey:  Yeah. And so, from then on out, it was just like me against the world. And I did that my whole life. And so, it's no wonder, here I am now, say, 35 years old, feeling through my own inner work and spiritual endeavors that I'm having the desire for something more meaningful than just a physical interaction with someone, maybe I could be in love, and start to play around with that, and make really sloppy attempts at how to do that with zero skills, and still, always having this wall that is just impenetrable that I would not let any woman pass. It's just, you're not getting in there. And come to find out in further medicine journeys, it wasn't just the abuse, it's that that wall not only prevented other people from getting into my heart, but more importantly, prevented me from getting in there.

[01:11:50]Alyson Charles:  I know, honey.

[01:11:52]Luke Storey:  I had lost myself before I was even found. This is the kind of shit that we, as adults, many of us go through life not having the resources, or tools, or opportunities, or courage in many cases to really, really look at. And so, for me, yeah, I always give the disclaimer like, wait until the medicine calls you and all that. Yeah, yeah. But I have to be honest, in my own experience, having plant medicine experiences has brought me to the depths of those things that not only allowed me to see it, but allowed me to literally just break those patterns and just sever those habituated ways of interacting. 

[01:12:39] And really, a large part of why when we started dating, I was able to open my heart, but also, have discernment about us and you, and really be conscious and aware about what I was getting myself into, not only for my own sense of well-being and safety, but also, for yours. What do I really have to contribute here? What am I looking for in a partner? But also, what am I able to bring, honestly, honestly bring? And when I started looking at that through all of the work that I had done and continue to do, I realized, like, holy shit, I actually, at this point, have a lot to offer, I have a lot to bring.

[01:13:19]Alyson Charles:  You do, honey. You bring so much. You're incredible. And that's why I'm so glad you brought this up because it brings me back to a piece that I wrote down first a long time ago and our chat today. This is exactly why I personally don't let myself fall into self-deprecation and I think it's a piece recently you've started to watch a little bit.

[01:13:46]Luke Storey:  Yeah, I've had to work on that a lot. 

[01:13:48]Alyson Charles:  Because it's like I have divine humility and I am a very like down-to-earth, humble person, but I also am just as strong with my divine confidence. And owning all of the work that I've put in to be the anchored, embodied, beautiful woman that I am, and I'm not going to downgrade that, or downplay that, or make that place smaller than what it deserves to be expressed or shown. I just don't play that self-deprecating game because it's not only cutting you off from your whole divinity, and all of the freaking trenches and brave, relentless work that you have put in, but it also cuts everyone else off, too, because I want everyone else, not because I'm not better than anyone, but I want everyone else to fully be able to truly feel and see, like I feel great about myself and I feel great about how I live my life. 

[01:15:04] And I couldn't always say that. And I put in the freaking work to be able to, in a healthy, divinely confident, yet humble way, own that and say that. And I'm going to say that, and I'm going to express it, and I'm going to shine it, and I'm going to own it. And that's why I wanted to bring that up. I wanted to circle back to that self-deprecating piece like you have done so much far and beyond what most humans in any lifetime would put in order to get sovereign and to heal all these big things you've had to overcome, being molested and deep addiction in many different ways.

[01:15:51] It wasn't just one thing you're addicted to. And you've just done so much powerful work that it pains me at times. Not that you do it all the time, it's not like a huge issue, but I've seen it just enough, where I'm like, man, I really look forward to the day where you don't feel the need to self-deprecate anymore in order to make someone else feel better. Own the fucking work you've put in.

[01:16:13]Luke Storey:  Hey, thanks, baby. I appreciate that. I think it's that thing, that self-deprecating thing that some folks have and that I've had to work on quite a bit. It's what they would call in recovery, false humility, in that true humility is being able to have an honest appraisal of who, and what, and where you are. The good, the bad, and the ugly. So, another way it's often said is staying right-sized. 

[01:16:44] And the way that I mistook staying right-sized in life, in general, just how you express, is don't get too big for your britches, don't be a bragger, don't be arrogant, don't be conceited. In other words, stay small is what I heard. But my understanding, as it's further developed, and staying right-sized, and having a more true sense of humility is saying not too big, but also, not too small. It's owning the majesty that everyone is and has, and really-

[01:17:17]Alyson Charles:  Just being honest.

[01:17:18]Luke Storey:  ... acknowledging that, you know what I mean?

[01:17:20]Alyson Charles:  Just being honest about it.

[01:17:20]Luke Storey:  But that's been hard because one of my pet peeves, I'm sure, because it triggers some familiarity in me, I don't think so much anymore of it, is when I see people that are really braggarts and there's nothing more gross to me than a guy that thinks he's the shit or a woman for that matter who's got that like inflated, egoic sense of self. I think they're the shit. Like that is such a turnoff to me. So, whenever owning my power comes into my awareness, there's a fear of what people think, like, oh, man, I don't want to come off like one of those guys by saying, hey, I've mastered this or I've mastered that, and here I am.

[01:17:58]Alyson Charles:  I get it, I hear you, but I honestly just don't really care anymore and I'm going to be unabashed about that. I don't care anymore. And I put in many years, I've had therapists back in the day when I did a brief stint in taking acting classes, that my acting coach even called me out on. Throughout my life, I've had a lot of people on the outside. I used to be so scared of being perceived as a braggart as well, full of myself, thinking that my shit doesn't stink, just thinking that I am like hot shit, right? And I always feared other people perceiving me as me being full of myself. 

[01:18:43] And I had to like, oh, my God, exhaustively unravel that narrative, work on that piece, and work for so many years to get to the point where I just, in a divinely confident way, embody and own who I am and all the work that I put it. And I'm not going to fear somebody else thinking that I'm whatever, hot shit, any more. I know, I trust myself. I don't carry myself around like I'm hot shit. I'm very down to earth and I'm very humble, but I also know who I am. And I am a force. I am a very powerful human who has done a lot, experienced a lot, been so courageous, and I'm not going to hide that and pretend that I'm not that.

[01:19:36]Luke Storey:  That's why I love you. One of the many reasons. 

[01:19:42]Alyson Charles:  Yeah, it just felt good to say that out loud.

[01:19:44]Luke Storey:  Good for you. On mic, baby. Rock it on mic. Own it. Well, this brings me to another great topic, and that is the very real and natural need that each of us have to be respected by others, and that that is often impossible to truly receive until one respects themselves fully. And I think in our relationships, that's one of the things that I've found to be such a pleasant surprise, is because of my reverence and my honoring of you as a woman, as a person, I mean, I just cherish your feelings and the way you are. I just have such respect for you. And I think that comes out in, hopefully, a way that's nurturing of all that you are.

[01:20:40]Alyson Charles:  Yeah, very much.

[01:20:42]Luke Storey:  And I always felt as though—not always, I don't want to speak in absolutes, but there's been a pattern in my life, I think, because I, for so long, lacked self-respect, and self-acceptance, and self-love, that I found myself in situations where I was continually being disrespected. And for anyone that has experienced that, I can tell you, you can stomp your feet up and down all fucking day long and demand respect, and you ain't going to get it. And there was this switch that somehow got hit in the last—really, in the past three years, I've really gone into some deep, deep work. I mean, I was celibate for almost two years. I mean, I'm not talking like not even—I did not even look women in the eyes. And when I first met you, I was celibate. I mean, you can vouch for me. Did I hit on you in any way?

[01:21:30]Alyson Charles:  Not in any way.

[01:21:31]Luke Storey:  Yeah.

[01:21:32]Alyson Charles:  And vice versa.

[01:21:32]Luke Storey:  And I was and still am attracted to you, but there was just such a boundary within myself of like, I'm fucked up, whatever this is, I got to fix this.

[01:21:39]Alyson Charles:  Yeah. 

[01:21:41]Luke Storey:  I'm out of the game. No flirting, no nothing, right? And that was really the beginning of the journey of identifying and learning about who I am, like go within, quit porn, the fucking dating apps, all those distractions, getting that little hit from flirting with the girl in the coffee shop just to see if she'd give you a little hit back, all that bullshit. No judgment for people that are still operating that way, it's a step on the path, but it was a step that was falling through to the depths of hell for me, so I stopped stepping on it. 

[01:22:11] But in that gradual gaining of more self-respect, and also, just acknowledging my gifts in a humble way, I noticed along the way that you're just very respectful of me, and my path, and what I'm doing in my life from the minutia of how I handle myself in my pretty out-there ways with all the biohacking. And everyone that has lived around me knows I'm a handful. And I'm not being self-deprecating, I'm very different.

[01:22:40]Alyson Charles:  No, I will vouch for you. You got your ways.

[01:22:42]Luke Storey:  I'm very different. Most people don't walk up to a 40-degree creek and like they're just dying to jump in. I'm a different kind of guy and I love myself for it. But as I've really embraced that, I've just noticed in the micro and in the macro, you're just so respectful and have so much honoring energy for me. And I've looked at that like, wow, God, it's not like I ever had to tell her like, you better respect me in this house, kind of thing. It's like, you're just like, yeah, babe, I trust you. You trust me, and being the way that I am in the world, the decisions that I make, and how I handle things, and we have this very beautiful dance of mutual-oh, it's a beautiful bird.

[01:23:22]Alyson Charles:  We have an audience.

[01:23:22]Luke Storey:  Wow. 

[01:23:22]Alyson Charles:  Hey.

[01:23:24]Luke Storey:  Hey, buddy.

[01:23:26]Alyson Charles:  But yeah, I respect you, because again, the sovereign and sovereign piece, because I put in the work so much this lifetime and so many other lifetimes, I know anyone that has overcome all the stuff that you have deserves a lot of respect and a lot of honor. And because I know what it takes to face that stuff and to go to those places, and I know you had to have done that to be the man that you are today, I bow to that. Like it deserves full respect and honor.

[01:23:58] And I just want to touch briefly on that piece because what I was meaning when I said, the therapist in the past, my acting coach in the past, why they would call me out on that one particular piece, I don't think I really clarified, they called me out on the fact that I lacked confidence to the point where it was that noticeable. Other people and professionals would come to me, and say, Alyson, I know you've accomplished a lot and you're very successful, but I just noticed this like meekness and this lack of self-esteem, this lack of self-confidence. 

[01:24:28] And it was because I feared of being looked at as Latida, whatever, but the reason why I so own that piece is because in that past relationship, I allowed my body to be dishonored every day, pretty much for over 16 years, right? And it's because I lacked self-honor, self-respect, self-love. And in lacking those pieces within me, exactly what you were just talking about, I then allowed another to dishonor and disrespect to me.

[01:25:06]Luke Storey:  Yeah, because it feels familiar, because you're used to that feeling because you're doing it to yourself every day.

[01:25:12]Alyson Charles:  So, you're just both on that dance of dishonor and disrespect. 

[01:25:15]Luke Storey:  So, you and the other are ganging up on you in a way. Well, it hurts, it feels like shit, but at least, it's not different. Yeah. And I really had to look at that piece, and own that, and take full responsibility, and be like, wow, Alyson, what is going on within you? What happened to you in childhood? What happened in your life where you allowed a man to disrespect and dishonor you in a lot of layers, but especially, dishonor your physical, sacred body every day for over 16 years? 

[01:25:43] You need to look at that and you need to figure that out. That's not some small change shit going on right there. That's big. Day in, day out, for almost two decades, that's some stuff you need to look at. And I looked at it, and did so much work around it, and came so far to truly embodying self-honor and self-respect. That's why I unabashedly own it. I just wanted to clear that up.

[01:26:08] Yeah. And this is also why I truly believe, we have the very unique and special relationship that we have. And from my perspective, I wouldn't have been ready for you and I could guess, you probably wouldn't have been ready for me until I really got back into my own heart. And really, truly, for the first time in my life, a couple of years ago, I began to actually love myself, and really value myself and who I am as a man, and really getting the sense of, I deserve to be treated with kindness, respect, love, compassion. 

[01:26:57] And not only do I deserve that, but I'm absolutely certain that I have the capacity and skills to treat someone else that way. And I think this is the peace for so many of us that are out there, wanting this human connection that's so inherent to who we are as a species, when is my soul mate going to come? How do I call in the one? How do I manifest the perfect partner?

[01:27:21]Alyson Charles:  What ritual can I do? 

[01:27:23]Luke Storey:  And the ritual is fall in love with yourself.

[01:27:27]Alyson Charles:  Yeah.

[01:27:28]Luke Storey:  And if that hasn't happened at depth through whatever means one chooses to arrive there, and of course, it's a process, I'm not saying I've arrived there, it's little by little, chipping away at the self-loathing, thoughts, and behavior, and all that stuff that we've talked about, it's like when the table is set, the food will be served. It's setting of the table, and then here comes the feast. And then, you think, wow, where has this thing been my whole life? The table wasn't set. I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready for this before. That's why this didn't happen.

[01:28:01]Alyson Charles:  And this piece, I'll speak for myself, years ago, if someone had asked me, like before my awakening, do you love yourself, Alyson? I think without hesitation, I would have been like, of course, I do. Like, of course, I love myself. I really had myself convinced before the veil was lifted and that divine intervention, spiritual awakening happened for me, I was ignoring a lot of stuff about myself. And so, I think for this piece, go beyond, like ask yourself, right? 

[01:28:36] Look yourself in your own eyes in the mirror, yune into your soul, and put your hand on your heart, and ask yourself, do I honor me? Do I love me? Ask that question, yes, but you might be lying to yourself and you might be playing your own game of facades here. So, go beyond that self-inquiry and start to really look at the relationships in your life, what you stand for, what you don't stand for, what you allow to have happen to you, what you allow to have happen in your life, how you allow people to treat you, what kind of work you're letting yourself settle for or not settle for. I mean, if you really want to do this work, really do it.

[01:29:29] And you really got to get bravely, fiercely honest with yourself and write down some of these main life categories, money, relationship, work, whatever, passions, and really see like, how is all this really playing out? Does this relationship dynamic express that I love myself? Does me doing this work express that I really love myself? Me continuously allowing that person to talk to me or behave in this way, is that really loving myself? I think, if you really look at it, you might be in for some good, healthy doses of rude awakenings that will then course-correct you and get you on a path of really, truly setting yourself up and setting your life up for healthy success.

[01:30:19]Luke Storey:  Amen, sister.

[01:30:20]Alyson Charles:  Yeah. For feeling a little under the weather, I mustered up some good energy for this one.

[01:30:26]Luke Storey:  You always perform. I can always count on you. So, we're about out of battery, we're almost out of sun, I would like to say a couple of things in closing. Alyson and I are just naturally, I think, gravitating toward doing more of this work together and helping people find love, helping people find love in the relationship they're in when it seems to be lost.

[01:30:54]Alyson Charles:  Keep the faith.

[01:30:56]Luke Storey:  Yeah, how to keep the faith and work through this stuff. So, we don't know what exactly it's going to look like, but we did get an Instagram. It's called Higher Power Couple, @HigherPowerCouple. Get it? Higher power as in about God, which is really in my estimation and experience, the only way a relationship works is if you both have some understanding of what this life is all about spiritually, or at least, if that's part of your value system. And there's also a higherpowercouple.com, which is an empty website.

[01:31:27] But we're feeling the call, I think, to share more expression like this because we've both suffered immensely, and there's a way up and out, and there really is a way to find true, healthy, lasting love. And we're figuring it out and we're recording, I mean, figuratively speaking, we're logging our gains and any missteps along the way, as we have been doing all these years, and we're really eager to share information like this because I truly believe that, I'll speak for myself, and in the healing and evolution of humanity, we need one another, especially in romantic relationship. 

[01:32:07] Whether it's with same sex, opposite sex, it doesn't matter. It's about sharing your heart with another human being, and building a home, and a life, and a family based on shared values. And so, I'm really looking forward to exploring this more because my life is just so much more rich now as a result of readying myself for this, and having the courage and discernment to allow this to be. And it was scary. I mean, you can hear about it in our episode number 275.

[01:32:36] I mean, there were moments that I was like, this, I can't do this, in the very beginning, and I'm sure you had yours. But I'm all in and I'm all in not only for my fiancee, Alyson, here, but it's really all in for me. This is my life and this is what I've been sent here to experience and evolve through. And I think it would just be really missing a huge part of our human experience to not be able to explore love at depth.

[01:33:06] And so, I'm really excited about sharing that and I don't know how it's going to manifest, but something around the things that we've talked about today and some sort of works that people can gain from. And I will add one last piece, and that is something that was really helpful to me, in addition to just all of the inner work on my own and that Alyson's done on her own in getting here, was really getting a very solid vision about what I was looking for. And I shared that part of it in 275. And I shared it with Alyson on one fateful night when we became a couple. And it wasn't by having sex, weirdly enough. 

[01:33:45]Alyson Charles:  Not at all.

[01:33:46]Luke Storey:  That took a little while. It was in me just, I had this note in Evernote that was every minute preference of my dream partner, just everything from physical to sexual, to emotional, to lifestyle, to goals, to deep spiritual values. I mean, just from the depths of what you are looking forward to, the most shallow, like she loves yogurt, too, or whatever, you know what I mean? Just really insignificant things.

[01:34:12]Alyson Charles:  Double Ds.

[01:34:12]Luke Storey:  Yeah. The Double Ds don't hurt. That was in there. No, I think mine was like preferably C or larger.

[01:34:23]Alyson Charles:  Heartily surpassed it.

[01:34:23]Luke Storey:  It was not a non-negotiable. It's just, we all have our preferences.

[01:34:29]Alyson Charles:  I'm just saying, it was a very thorough list.

[01:34:32]Luke Storey:  Yeah, it was. I shared the whole list with her. I mean, I only shared it with a couple of men that I was seeking counsel from that were married 40 years and happy. By the way, if you're going to get relationship advice, I would also advise you, don't get advice from people that aren't doing it, right? If someone's in miserable, unhealthy relationships that are falling apart, go to someone who's married 30 years, 40 years, and is happy about it.

[01:34:54] That's what I started doing and that was a big part of it. So, creating that vision and the most important part of that vision were shared values. Like what's important to me in my life and what's important to Alyson in her life. And I think when I really match up those values, then it's like, oh, loves the outdoors and whatever is like, those are just kind of personality preferences. I mean, I would love to have Alyson jump in ice baths with me in freezing rivers. 

[01:35:19]Alyson Charles:  I would go in the hot springs and the ocean.

[01:35:21]Luke Storey:  I mean, so there's a compromise. 

[01:35:22]Alyson Charles:  We frolicked in the ocean just a couple of weeks ago.

[01:35:26]Luke Storey:  I'm sure there are preferences that she has in terms of her hobbies and things she likes.

[01:35:31]Alyson Charles:  Yeah. I wish you would shamanic journey and learn how to journey without any other things anymore.

[01:35:37]Luke Storey:  Without medicine, oh, God, sound like a lot of work. I will. So, anyway, I just wanted to add that in and just thank anyone that's listening to this or watching it on YouTube. Thank you for joining us on this journey. And it's really, for me, a very vulnerable thing to share and it requires a bit of stiff upper lip to be able to be this open about a very personal experience.

[01:36:02] But again, I'm doing it in the interest of helping other people that suffered as I once did. And I know that if I can do this shit as gracefully as I am now, then anyone could do it. And I really mean that. And I wish for everyone to find the love that has perhaps been lost with your significant other partner. And if you're alone, it's great to be alone for a while, too. And if your path in life is to be alone forever, that's great, too.

[01:36:30]Alyson Charles:  Yeah, that's fine, because that is what I wanted to touch on. Like before Luke and I got together, I really had surrendered this piece. And I thought, you know what, maybe relationships aren't for me this lifetime. I truly got into that place, and just kind of put my hands up, and had grown to love my own company enough, and love myself enough, I thought, you know what, I can do this, and I can do it on my own, and I'm okay with that. But thankfully, God, Goddess had different plans and it was through source that brought us together. And like you say, you say to me all the time, you don't have to do it alone anymore, honey. And it is so much more fun having you as my partner, and just to amplify my power, and just being you. We have so much fun. We laugh all the time. We're so silly.

[01:37:15]Luke Storey:  It's ridiculous.

[01:37:16]Alyson Charles:  It's just great. So, I love you so much. So, thank you for asking me to be your wife. And I'm so excited to be engaged with you, and to be married soon, and to put roots down somewhere that feels really great to both of us. We have so many exciting things ahead. And I also want to reiterate, like Luke was saying, sharing about our relationship, I put some thought into it because it's something that's obviously very sacred to me.

[01:37:49] But I felt that it's part of our path and it's part of our calling to support in this process for other people and just hearing responses in our other conversations about it and just a couple of online workshops that we did, the people that wrote in. And my gosh, this is the exact thing that I needed to hear today to keep going and to keep the faith. Like I was about to give up on my celibacy, and I heard that you were almost five years celibate, and he was two, and just whatever little glimmer of these chats that we do, I think, can help support someone.

[01:38:23] That's what I'm here for and that's why I'm here. And so, yeah, I think if I could just also let people know, if you're feeling called to go deeper in the shamanic work and facing a lot of these pieces that Luke and I have talked about facing ourselves, I do have an online course called Spirit School. You can find it by going to the link in my Instagram @IAmAlysonCharles or at alysoncharles.com. There's a page there devoted to it. So, online, go at your own pace, shamanic journeying course. 

[01:38:54] And I personally guide you in nine different shamanic journeys to face and transcend shadows, to see your highest self, to visit past lives, and do past life healing, which is a big component of being whole and sovereign in this lifetime. And there's just so many incredible journeys where you can meet your power animal guides, and other love and light guides to facilitate you and support you in getting to where you want to go in this earth walk. So, I welcome anyone and everyone. It's affordable and accessible to all. And lastly, I'm also launching my podcast next month.

[01:39:29]Luke Storey:  I can't wait.

[01:39:30]Alyson Charles:  Finally. After all these years before my awakening, I was a radio and TV host. And Luke and many other friends, Sahara, Rosie Acosta, so many of them were like, when are you going to do a podcast? All these years, like I don't know. I don't know. They finally started to call to me, then I couldn't figure out what to call it, literally. And then, the name came to Luke and I one day at home. And so, Ceremony Circle podcast, hosted by Shaman Alyson Charles will be coming your way in November 2020. Very excited.

[01:39:59]Luke Storey:  Awesome. Thank you for being a good radio host and remembering to plug.

[01:40:03]Alyson Charles:  Yeah. I was like, oh, he's about to wrap this up.

[01:40:05]Luke Storey:  I have to usually put those in at the end because I forget because I'm just so enraptured by the fun conversation.

[01:40:10]Alyson Charles:  Yeah, this is great. Thanks.

[01:40:11]Luke Storey:  Yeah. And also, I wanted to add one thing because I know, I don't know, if there were times in my life where I felt like, you know what, I'm just going to be a renunciate, I'm going to do my own thing, be a monk, and fuck relationships and being in love, I respect that path, too.

[01:40:26]Alyson Charles:  Yeah. 

[01:40:26]Luke Storey:  And I think I'm so excited about my life now, about to turn 50 because I finally just feel so relaxed into this situation. But I would also say that these principles apply to all relationships. We've all, or those of us that grew up with the type of dysfunction that we were alluding to earlier, that's going to manifest with your bestie, that's going to manifest with your mom, your dad, your uncle, your boss, your employees, your employers, the person filling your tank up with gas at Starbucks. 

[01:40:59]Alyson Charles:  The animals, everything.

[01:41:00]Luke Storey:  Yeah. So, these ways of relating to one another in mutually respectful, honest, loving, and compassionate, this is for all relationships, whether you put your genitals together or not.

[01:41:13]Alyson Charles:  Amen. That's a great point to end on. 

[01:41:16]Luke Storey:  Yeah. I was going to say, well, because some people put them together, some people put them inside of each other, like I guess it depends. 

[01:41:23]Alyson Charles:  Yeah, all is great.

[01:41:24]Luke Storey:  Whether you're sexual with someone or not, it's all about loving yourself, and then learning to love another based on that. So, thank you so much for joining us today. And thank you to my lovely fiancee. And for those that are wondering, okay, when's the wedding? We're thinking sometime in 2021 if the world doesn't get hit by a meteor or something. But we're looking for a place to live and move, somewhere more permanent, outside of the 5G metropolis known as Los Angeles. And I think once we get settled, and feel moved, and we've got our home base intact for a while, then we'll set an official date, and you will all, I'm sure, find out and some of you will probably be invited. So, thank you so much. One love. Until we meet again.



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